Hey readers.. Firstly, let me update you on how my O'level goes.. It was do able to me and i hope i can get my Distinction that I have always wanted for my Malay Language. At first, things rushed through my head like a thousand questions unanswered... But luckily, I did not panic and just remained calm.. Thank God, I managed to do a very thorough check on all my scripts.. When I look at other people, They were already asleep and I somewhat panicked as i thought that the paper was kind of challenging but they seem to be cool about it. But i am nobody to judge them.. So, I will just be waiting for my results in August.. I really hope I make it and can start doing my self revision..
As for Love life, She's Out of my life and i am happy i managed to remove her from my life.. However, can I really bear it? I really hope so.. I am so thankful now that I actually found someone much better and more matured that her.. How dumb was i to think that you were the best? You were just a pain in the ass. Yes.. Pain in the ass.. Whatever it is, I may have forgiven you, But i would never forget the heartache that i got from you.. But whatever it is, this current girl I know is Much Much Better.. And bear in mind, she's also 13 years old..
I moved on
I love you
I need you
You make me smile
SpadeTwElveLabels: Enjoying life babes
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Life is improving i guess... I thought i could forget you and move on in life.. But I doubt so.. That day wen i saw you doing your P.E Lesson, I started missing you again. I see you more often now than before after we fight and etc and I don't know how to forget you. Maybe i just have not found the right one or am I still having hopes that we will be together one day? That question still remains unanswered for me. I am not sure why you are so difficult to forget but i won't be distracted as my Main Priority is my O'Levels. My Mid Year results suck but i am not going to let it suck all the way. I am going to use this June Holidays and make sure I brush up on everything and I will not get anymore failure grades come Prelim1.
Monday is my Mother Tongue O'Level. I really hope i can secure an A1 grade for Malay and one subject down with a good grade. In July I will have my MT Oral O'Levels. 21 October will be my Practical Exam. 25 October will be my English. 26&27 October my Mathematics .29 October my Science. 1November again Science Paper.3 November Humanities. 4 November D&T. 12 November Science.. Basically I only have 5 more Months to my O'Levels. No more Slacking around and I willl be less online and I will not distract myself with Relationships and etc..
That was me in 2007 who scored very well for exams
I wanna be like this
I still Love you/I hate you
SpadeTwElve
Labels: Live Life to the fullest
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I have not been updating my blog regularly as i have been very very busy with school.. First O'Level Paper is just next week which is Mother Tongue.. I really hope i can get my A1 for Mother Tongue which I used to be getting last time.. Well, Mid Year Exams may have been over, but I still have to press on and start studying now and i do not want to regret at the later point in life. Definitely, my results for Mid Year was very Bad as I admit I was distracted and I was in the middle of Loving someone who I found was a waste of time and I know I would have done better without that distraction.. However, I should not harp on things which have past, but focus more on my upcoming challenges..
I admit my mistakes for throwing tantrums or bad attitude to you, but you can't blame me for it as i was really in a lousy mood for the past week and even days.. You can say that i did not change from last time and etc, but many more people said that i had changed and even i feel myself changing.. One thing for sure, Maturity level is not for you to decide but for you to act it out.. By saying someone else is less mature than you are, you are just saying that exact thing to the person, in other words, you are the immature one.. Well, it sure hurts to see you leave from my life, but i can't seem to erase your name from my heart.. I know that things between us won't work out anymore, and there is no use for me to hold on to the hopes that it will work out.. I just need the strength, encouragement, support from my peers which i am getting.. I finally realize that friends will always be there for you in times of need, but your Boyfriend or Girlfriend will not.. I am going to deal with my relationship issues and stay in this state till I move on to Polytechnic which is a better time frame for me to find true love there since you even said it.. I just wish you all the best with the other guy and i hope you two will find each other soon.. Take Care and my Final Goodbye to you is through my Blog..

I am setting you free
Go and find happiness
I got to move on
I am going to hold on to my O'Level Goals.
I wanna smile like last time
SpadeTwElve
Labels: Sacrifices and Goodbye
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Hey readers... I just feel that love sucks now because it does.. Today was a mixture of feelings for me.. I woke up feeling very happy and was getting ready to go out with Hadyu.. It was very good until something cropped up.. I was really foolish and gave a few blows to my own friend just for a girl i once loved who shattered every single feeling i had... And worst ting, she ruin my whole love life.. My heart is hurt deep deep deep inside because of what she said.. I realize that she do not deserve to be loved by someone like me.. Thanks to everyone who have been advising me and if i had followed this advice much earlier, i would not be in this state.. I just hope the guy will treat her well and hopefully you will get back what shit you gave me and accusing people without any evidence or reason or proof was the best thing you did.. You made my graduating year a wonderful one with this shit. Consider yourself lucky that you are a female and i can't gave you the beating i gave him. But Dun think i will allow you to get away just like that.. You will finally be able to see the harsh side of me and blame it on your own actions because it was the one that caused you this shit and now I hate you Fucker.. It was a waste of my time.. WIll elaborate later on
You suck
Fuck you
Damn you
Go to HELL
MORON
SpadeTwElveLabels: I hate you
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Everybody's laughing in my mind
Rumors spreading 'bout this other guy
Do you do what you did when you did with me
Does he love you the way I can
Did you forget all the plans that you made with me
Cause baby I didn't
That should be me holding your hand
That should be me making you laughThat should be me this is so sad
That should be me
That should be me
That should be me feeling your kiss
That should be me buying you gifts
This is so wrong
I can't go on
'Till you believe
That that should be me
That should be me
You said you needed a little time from my mistakes
It's funny how you used that time to have me replaced
Did you think that I wouldn't see you out at the movies
What you doin' to me
You're taking him where we used to go
Now if you're trying to break my heart
It's working cause you know
That that should be me holding your hand
That should be me making you laugh
That should be me this is so sad
That should be me
That should be me
That should be me feeling your kiss
That should be me buying you gifts
This is so wrong I can't go on
'Till you believe
That should be me
I need to know should I fight for love
Or disarm
It's getting harder to shield
This pain is my heart
This song made me in tears
Its wad i wish for
I really love you now
SpadeTwElveLabels: That should be me
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Hey Readers... I have been so tired this whole week for i dunnoe why.. Mother Tongue Intensive training sucks like hell and i dun like it at all... We dun even have post exam activities... Like what people say, suffer now enjoy later... i just love it now that my feelings for you is growing stronger.. I just hope my wishes will be fulfilled coz it will bring me to a state of extreme happiness coz i really love you and forever will love eu.. I wanna meet you tomorrow but i am not sure if you want to... If you do, i am not sure where to go.. But i gotta settle some stuffs first tmr... thats it i wanna sleep...
I love you
I miss you
I am over you
SpadeTwElveLabels: Love you
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Hey Readers... I am So Happy and I really hope this happiness will last.. Its just that I already apologized to the girl i love, and she somewhat liked it.. And the best thing of all, I could finally talk to her on the phone and hearing her sweet voice is just a way for me to forget my worries and not feel the heart ache.. I just hope this time, you really understand how much you mean to me. What i wrote was from deep under my heart because despite whatever i said to you in facebook, they were all lies.. Because i still do love you.. I really do.. I just hope this happiness i am feeling will not end because it will make my day.. From today, i am willing to do and sacrifice everything to win your beautiful heart.. If i were to be given a chance to be by your side, those promises i made will definitely be fulfilled. I give you my words for that..
I just don't understand why our friendship cannot last... Is it because of EGO, girls, or what.. I don't want another friendship to end between our clique because its our last year and i want a beautiful year with no friendship lost.
OH GOD, PLEASE ALLOW ME TO SHOWER CARE,LOVE,CONCERN TO THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL I FOUND IN MY LIFE AND PLEASE MAKE OUR FRIENDSHIP LAST..
I do love you
I am sincere with you
I want you
SpadeTwElveLabels: Melted to the ground
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It hurts deep inside me... It seriously does as i still love her.. I dunnoe why its difficult for me to forget or accept the fact... Was i blind to realize that it was actually false hope or not gonna happen? I really gotta be strong and stand firm on the ground and wake up to my senses.. Deeply hurt now and i can't change... I wanna make up for it, but i don't want my dignity as a guy to drop.. You may say that i am Egoistic or so on, but i got to remember that this girl is not the partner for my lifetime but its just a person i currently love.. But my dignity is with me till eternity.. I am confused whether i should stick to you or just let you go and you can be happy with the guy you love...
SpadeTwElveLabels: Indecisive
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Hey readers... As the title states,i gotta be strong and forget her and move on with maybe someone better or just be together with my cliques who will always be there... As for her, i just hope you will find happiness with the guy you truly love and he will love you the same way.. Its painful for me to type this out but its better than keeping it deep inside... Definitely the answer was like a bullet piercing through deep inside my heart and i am sure hurt at this moment.. Nonetheless, i guess breaking the contact between me and you is the best thing now as the more i am contacting you, the more pain i am suffering and feeling.. I erased your name from my heart but it keeps coming back.. I was wondering how stupid i was to still think that there was hope when what you showed me was just nothing and i realized my mistake now.. But thank you very much for allowing me to express my feelings for you but i guess its meaningless for me to keep this feeling...I can't believe that i am pouring out as i type this.. That is how strong my feelings are for you.
Exams just suck... I did not finish both my Mathematics and History paper... What a waste... I really was hoping to clear my Mathematics paper this time around but my hope just disappeared... I must try double hard in upcoming test and Prelims... I wanna at least secure a 15 pointer by Prelim1... Definitely, with heartbreaks are just the distraction and i have to put it aside... I got to be strong and move on
It hurts but i can do nothing
Its fated for us not to be together
I can't do anything
All the best in life
SpadeTwElveLabels: Forgetting you
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Hey readers... I just finished two other papers for my Mid Year Examination.. Which is Maths Paper 1 and Social Studies paper... Lets talk about the papers... Maths paper 1 was do-able and i think that I might pass it or maybe fail by a few marks... But for sure i already lost 24 marks coz i did not even complete the paper... Social Studies paper sucks to the max... I can;t even do a single SEQ question which was worth 25 marks and SBQ was sucky.. Its confirmed that i will fail my Social Studies Paper... Haiz... Monday is Maths paper 2 and History Paper... Practised Maths today and studied History today... Gonna do the same tomorrow.. Hopefully i will finally Pass my Maths after a full two years of failing it.. I must at least get a 70/100 for my paper 2...
On Friday, had a superb heated argument with my mum about my O'Levels and Academic performance for 2010... Received lectures and she claims that i am not putting in effort and i was like.....(Fill in the Blanks)... And i have been returning home late and i told her i was studying with my friends and she was like, Fine make sure you pass all your Mid Year and i was like ........( Fill in the Blanks)... Then she went to check my TYS and etc and she said it was bad and she got superb mad and kicked things around and threw her spectacle till it broke and my Uncle and sis have to come down to calm her down and i got one hell of a lecture from my Uncle and Brother in Law... I want freedom and he sail after my O'levels if i do well and go to a Polytechnic i will get it.. And i am going to work hard now... Me and mum are not in talking terms.. So, basically now i am all alone..
Another problem that have been bothering me is Boy Girl Relationship.. Most of my friends know i have a strong affection for this particular girl who i shall keep it nameless or call it by the codename R... I have asked her to move into serious relationship with me but she will only tell me the answer after Exams which is after 14 May 2010... At the same time, my friends told me that it was not worth my time as she is still Immature and i might just end up feeling heartbroken and might find it difficult to concentrate on my O'Levels... Yes i Admit that i am quite hurt by her actions but i dunnoe why my heart still tell me to press on and wait for her... Its like as though i Love her Alot... I myself have no more Confidence that i will be able to win her heart as her actions speaks for the answers themselves but am i right to say that or its just a pathetic assumption i make? She said many nice things which made my fighting spirit and feelings grow for her but at the same time now, she's dampening them... Basically i am either receiving a message of Rejection or just the Silent Treatment... Which is it? I don't know and I just wanna hold on to this wait but its just hurting me deep inside.. Indeed there are many other girls out there, but none captured my heart like how she did and people tell me to forget/ignore/leave her and its just painful but i know if i am rejected, i have to face up to reality and am i ready for that? Because her actions of avoiding or sending me a message is already painful for me and its hurting me deep deep inside.. Definitely I love her alot... I just need someone to talk to about this and give me the best advice... Its hurting me like crazy.. I just need the most honest answer... Please... Don;t have to send me a message and make me play the guessing game like what you are doing in Facebook, MSN and what not..
I need help
It hurts..
Be honest with me
I Love eu R
SpadeTwElveLabels: Hurt Deep inside
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Holy shit people... LIFE seriously sucks for me especially when that someone hurt eu one day before the exam... In fact, 10Hours to exam... WHat a bitch... Whats ur motive of posting those things? For example:
it is very sad to find out that the person you love ,love someone else. WOW... SO eu take my proposal and confession as a piece of joke... Making me wait like a blardy fool while eu could just say NO? I had enough of this shit... TEllING me to ask personally and so on and still i get this shit? Its seriously dumb of me to believe ur words... Well, if eu think i am wrong, then prove it... And mean what eu say and dun juz say it... Enough of enduring this nonsense, I am going to be a fair person and move on in life and not be stuck waiting for something or someone who does not appreciate what i do for her. USeless... Seriously its useless for me to do so and therefore, moving on... And dun blame me coz eu are the one who gave me this treatment and if eu receive it back, blame in on urself and not anybody coz this is Retribution.. Seriously, eu made me pissed one day before my MAthematics paper and Social Studies paper? COngratulations for being heartless and thinking i am blind... Tell eu wad, if its gonna be a NO, Fuck Off my Life..(060510) Date will be remembered
FUck off my life if ur intention is to worsen my Sec4 life
Ur heartelss
DAMN EU for making me a fool
SpadeTwElve
Labels: Fuck off(SpadeTwElve is Pissed)
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Love or Crush... Definitely for me its Love... I just love her... Well, love cannot be defined into words but can be defined by the heart... I dunnoe if eu feel the same ting towards me or am i juz feeling love by myself and not being loved back... Like what the malay proverb states, Tepuk sebelah tangan tak berbunyi... I just need her and my life might be complete... Well, ITs just that now I lack the Confidence and i just need to regain it all back... But can I do it?
I lost my confidence
But I do love eu
SpadeTwElveLabels: Lack of Confidence
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Hey people... IT sucks wen eu get lectured early in the morning juz because of Poor CA1 results... Sucks big time... Well, i just hope that my leg will be back to normal by this Wednesday and I can't go out tmr coz i need to go physiotherapist to make sure my left leg is back to normal.. But i kinda Miss someone though but i can't do anything about it... Sian... Gotta start Studying regularly.. Seriously...
I love eu
I wan eu
I miss eu
Manisnya cinta adalah rasa yang terbuku di hati
Hatiku hanya untukmu
SpadeTwElveLabels: You you you
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