Dear Blog,
I woke up very early this morning to get ready to school to meet Hadyu and before that, I took a stick of Cigarette at the staircase and inhaled it deeply to a point i felt very high and continued walking to school... Then, in the bus, Hadyu called me and asked about my whereabouts and i told him i was on the way and etc.. SO when i met him, we went to one block and lighted another stick.. I got a severe headache at that time.. After that, we went to school and we went to SHA's room... There, i could really feel my head spinning and i rushed to the toilet to throw out.. The feeling was sucky and I hate it.. Because of that, i felt very lousy even during my Chemistry exam.. After that, I went to Ms Kanni room and lied down there but my head was still spinning and it hurt alot.. I pushed myself but i could not take it and i rested in front of the General Office and Mr Lee saw and asked if i had enough rest.. I dun tink i had enough rest because i slept at 3a.m because i was studying for Chemistry and I was doing Diana's homework.. Then, I saw Diana and i gave her back her homework and books and she smiled to me.. I was too weak to smile back and i continued to walk to the hall... I was very elated when i saw her.. Is it because i love her? Or what? But i cannot do anything...
After exam, I started feeling grouchy and i changed after i went out to smoke before meeting SHA... After that, i decided to go home first to change clothes and so on.. After i came back, i got pissed off for i don't know why and started punching the walls until my knuckles hurt and are red.. It sure hurt, but i am just not sure why am i so furious.. What i know is just because i did not see her today which caused me to be frustrated.. Even now at home, i am still frustrated because I saw her being close with another guy... I just don't understand myself now as i tend to get hurt or irritated or frustrated very easily and i hate this side of me because its not the old me.. Is this because of jealousy or my relapse in smoking?? I really need help or advice now as i don't wanna injure myself anymore.. What people advice me was to study her but what's the purpose if she's already attached with another guy? But what makes me more puzzled is that, even when she's attached, she's very close with me and other guys... Is those status at Facebook a lie? Or is she cheating on the guy? Thinking of it just makes me more frustrated or furious.. I just wanna punch the walls more but i have no more energy!! FUCK IT MAN!! I AM JUST PISSED OFF AGAIN!!
This sudden change
I hate it
Its not me
Is it love?
Is it a lie?
FUCK MAN
SpadeTwElveLabels: I don't understand myself
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